In the FIRST year of Marriage, the man talks and the lady listens & obey. The SECOND year, the lady talks and the man listens. THE THIRT year, “you know what”, THEY BOTH speak and neighbours listen and laugh their lungs out.
Husband buys his son an iPAD, daughter an iPOD, himself an iPHONE & his wife an iRON. She wasn’t impressed even after he explained it can be integrated with the iWASH, iCOOK & iCLEAN network.This triggered the iNAG service, which totally wiped out all iSHAG functions!”..
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, “What was that for?” She says, “I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it.” He says, “Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on.” She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, “What was that for?” She answers, “Your horse called.”
Husband takes the wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says: “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.” Husband says: “Looks like he’s still fucking celebrating!!”
A man hated his wife’s cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home. The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away and the same thing happened. He kept on increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept coming home before him.
A father has two naughty kids who are always making trouble in the streets. So he decides to lock them in the house. But the naughty kids makes a hole just above the doorframe and gains freedom back to the streets. The father realising the escape thinks of mending the hole but is too short to make it to the hole not standing on something.
He calls his wife and climbs on her shoulders to reach to where he wants to mend. A friend of the father asks the two boys where their father is and they replied that “father is on top of mother closing the hole we came through”
Husband sends wife an SMS I got hit by a car outside the office. Linda brought me to the
hospital. They have been making tests and X- rays.The blow to my head, though very strong,will not have lasting or serious damages. I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and a compound fracture in my left leg. They also may have to amputate my right leg
Wife replies: Who is Linda ?
Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say “Happy Birthday”, and possibly have a present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone, “Happy Birthday”. I thought….well, that’s marriage for you, but maybe the kids will remember. My kids came down for breakfast and didn’t say a word.
So, when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Samantha said, “Good morning,
Boss, Happy Birthday”. It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o’clock and then Samantha knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your birthday, let’s go out to lunch, just you and me”. I said, “Thanks, Samantha, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go”.
We went to lunch. but we didn’t go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office Samantha said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day….we don’t need to go back to the office, do we?” I responded, “I guess not. What do you have in mind?” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment”.
After arriving at her apartment Samantha turned to me and said, “Boss, if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I’ll be right back.” “OK”, I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and after a couple of minutes, she came
out carrying a huge birthday cake……followed by my wife, kids and
dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing “Happy Birthday”.
And I just sat there……..on the couch…….naked.